Where have you been? I have had several ask this question over the past week and want to apologize for not writing sooner. It has been a long month that has taught me a number of lessons which I will share with you as a testimony to the faithfulness of God.
I am currently sitting in the ICU in Indianapolis. It's not where I would have imagined I would be this month, but God had other plans. My dad was recently diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC). I was in Kenya when I heard the news from both my family and his doctor. Hearing their tears on the phone thousands of miles away made the distance unbearable. I quickly found a plane ticket and came home, leaving much of my work in Kenya up in the air. Thankfully, I have a wonderful network of friends, family, and colleagues in both Kenya and Indiana who have been incredibly supportive of my trip home and time dedicated to family.
Sadly, through the difficult days of watching my family struggle with this diagnosis, I found myself questioning God and his goodness. My dad is an amazing man, one of the best: soft-hearted and compassionate, humble and selfless in his giving, patient and loving, hardworking, supportive, funny... I could go on forever. The one thing that saddened me about my dad was his resistance to God. I couldn't bear the thought of losing my dad not only in this world, but also for eternity with separation from God. Despite the Lord's faithfulness to me in the past and the promises He has given in His Word, I began to doubt His character when it seemed as though He was ignoring my prayers regarding one of the most important people in my life.
The Sunday that I arrived back in Indianapolis, my dad showed up at church unexpectedly. He sat quietly through the service and walked up to the front afterwards to talk to the preacher. That morning, he accepted Christ as His Savior. Amazing...I couldn't believe it and continued to be skeptical until we had a few more conversations which gave me more confidence in his decision. I realized how small my faith can be and how faithful the Lord is even after many years of prayer. Sometimes He has to lay you low so that you have no where to look but up to Him.
We went to my dad's appointments the upcoming week for staging and planning for his cancer. Through some connections with the IU-Kenya program, they had arranged for him to see the best specialists at the University Cancer Center regarding his type of cancer. While everyone was wonderful, people kept remarking that it was fortuitous that he had even been diagnosed this early. He originally went in to his doctor's office for a sick visit with chills (no cough, no fever on exam). His doctor ordered a chest x-ray and sent him home on antibiotics. Given my dad's history of COPD/chronic bronchitis, the pulmonologist said he would have probably sent him home on antibiotics and never ordered that chest x-ray with instructions to return if worsening. My dad would have felt better with the antibiotics, which he did, and never ended up with that chest x-ray for who knows how long...likely not until it had spread throughout his body. However, he did get that chest x-ray and his cancer was diagnosed early (Stage 2) - curable. It wasn't luck. It wasn't a great doctor. My dad responded, "The good Lord is watching out for me." It really hit me when my dad said those words: How wonderful our God is; how incredible that He would even be mindful of us, even watching over us so closely in all the details in our lives. His timing is perfect. Not only will I get to spend eternity with my dad praising God, but now I may have even more time with him here on earth.
So, my plans are not always God's plans. And while they may be different, it is clear that His are better (Rom 8:28, Jer 29:11). It is embarrassing to look back at my fear and doubt in a situation where the Lord was clearly and faithfully working things out with love, grace, and mercy. The Lord is always worthy of our praise and trust, even when we don't understand what he is doing. Praise be to God forever and ever!
